Routines are Everything

As a mom of three young kids, I am a big proponent of daily routines. Whether or not you have babysitters or help from relatives, a flexible routine just makes the day flow. I've found that the bigger my family has grown, the more I like a solid routine. Keeping track of many little bodies, many little needs, and many little things is especially daunting when your day feels like the open waters of an ocean; your routine is your compass. Routines also help to break up those long, arduous days. Shaping the day will save your sanity.

I am a stay at home parent who has had to learn to manage my needs and those of the household while attending to the unrelenting demands of multiple young children. I've found that keeping a flexible routine helps me to stay organized and my kids tend to behave better when there's flow and predictability to their day. For example, my kids pretty much know what to expect next so when it's time to transition from one activity to another, I don't really get any resistance because the changes are expected.

With my first child, I had flexible nap and bedtime routines, but that was about the extent of it. Once that second baby came along (they were only 18 months apart), I had to get more organized to keep my ship from sinking. I slowly began to add more structure and more organization and eventually it felt like I was running a sort of cozy, home based preschool for my little ones. My job has been to show up and love my little ones, feed them, give them some predictability, provide space to play and discover.

I have been in charge of the meals, and the shape of bed time routines so naturally, I'm the one in charge of figuring the daily structure. Over time, I've learned to become more efficient and timely. My husband also appreciates having predictability with our little ones, so his support in keeping to our routine definitely has helped. The only way I have seemed to be able to do all of it, for the most part, has been keeping a daily rhythm. My routine also has built in time for myself, and I cannot wholly function without it.

Shortly after I had my third baby, the pandemic hit, and I was not able to go forward with weekly babysitting help, and man, I was really looking forward to that help. I had to learn to juggle my preschooler, young toddler and baby, while trying to meet my needs and the needs of household. On top of it all, we had no idea when life would return to normal, if ever. It was a hard realization to know help, even visits from out of town family, were off limits for the foreseeable future. Like most everyone else in the world did during that difficult time, I adjusted as needed. I tidied up the routine of our day, and I noticed small changes made big differences in the flow of our transitions. Of course, with a young infant, their nap and feeding needs change often, so I had to reorganize my routines quite frequently until my youngest was about 6 months. I found a well thought out routine to be essential in reducing the chaos. And yeah, there's lots of chaos with three little ones. Yet, I found that having predictability to my day helped me to have moments (however small) to breathe and check off the boxes as I went. I also tend to be a little scattered and with three kids compounding my scatter brained-ness, I've found that routines prevent me from forgetting things (mostly).

There are always at least a few days a week that seem harder and longer than others. To survive those days, I remind myself of the hoops I've already made it through, “Breakfast and clean up, done. Next kids clean up their toys and ready themselves for the day then they earn a little television break and I can take a minute for me.” It gives me a little lift to notice what I've already accomplished for the day to know what's coming next, and that nap/quiet time isn't too far away. I am able to figure out who needs what, take care of my own needs, and evaluate which outstanding errands or chores around the house need doing (or can be put off for another day when I'm feeling more zeal), or simply make time to be with my kids.

I've also found that being a stay at home mom, can leave one feeling a bit unanchored. As stay at home parents, we are often home alone with little ones and have frequent days with little to no adult contact throughout the day. The only structure to the day is the one we parents make for ourselves and our kids. It can be daunting, monotonous and frustrating. All the heavy emotions sometimes creep up when you're alone with little ones. It takes a lot of strength to get through days that are especially hard, and I've found that those are the days when checking the boxes helps my mood. Plus, it's always a relief to know that I'll have that pocket of time to myself.

I also understand that sometimes parents need flexibility pertaining to nap and meal times. Kids are definitely adaptable, and will probably be fine with some routine shifting. It's probably a good idea to let them know ahead of time that their day will look a little different so that they have a chance to process the anticipated changes. My days are definitely not all scheduled out and uniform from day to day. School schedules, activities, home projects, and errands all vary the day. However, I mostly try to work around the basic needs of naps and mealtimes, and those transitions are predictable for everyone so everyone is happy. The added benefit to having regularly scheduled nap and meal times they eat and nap better because their body clocks naturally anticipate those times of the day, and even there's hardly any resistance. I love having a good lunch with my kids followed by some much needed rest for all.

Whether you have babies, toddlers or children in school, you likely have some structure built into your day already. Nap and meal times or school hours automatically give your day a loose structure. If you don't have set nap and meal times, you may notice that those times of day seem especially chaotic, difficult or just impossible. Experimenting to see which times of day work best for naps and meals will likely prevent tantrums and meltdowns while also helping you to enhance communication with your child. The Baby Sleep Site (https://www.babysleepsite.com/) offers sample sleep schedules for babies and toddlers. I have referred to the Baby Sleep Site for all of my baby and toddler sleep needs and sample sleep schedules have also helped me figure out optimal feeding and play schedules for my young infants too. A wonderful resource.

Although I've always thrived on routines, when I became a mother, I was unsure how I would ever figure out a routine with a baby who ate and slept whenever she wanted. As the newborn days wore on, I realized I was completely clueless about baby sleep needs and how to get her to sleep independently. She would fall asleep in my arms and when I would set her down to sleep she would wake either instantly or in a short time. I was lost, and I was exhausted. My days felt long and unpredictable. I eventually thought to google tips on how to get babies to nap. I learned: that babies only tolerate short periods of awake time before needing to nap; the signs of tiredness; the magic of swaddling, and the need to establish a little wind down routine to cue baby for rest. Incorporating a nap time routine, made my life instantly easier.

Experiencing how easily a solid nap and sleep routine made my life flow, I knew then that I could survive this journey of motherhood. Routines were back in my life, I gained some degree of mastery over a new area of motherhood. That's when I realized I could have my cake and eat a few bites of it too! Indeed, I could have a hand at structuring my day and my needs while honoring my baby's needs. The beautiful thing about predictable flow is that once your day has a general structure your little ones basically know what to expect and the work of getting from A to B to C is less. From the quiet days of early motherhood until now, I've continued to build on our daily routines. I haven't looked back since.

*Below, is our current daily routine. It fluctuates a bit from day to day, but this is the general flow. It has changed over time with the addition of more children, evolving sleep needs, and evolving school schedules.

5:30 AM - Mama gets up before kids to workout OR write/computer work/study

6:45 AM - Youngest toddler Wakes then Nurse

7:00 AM - Wake up time for older children

7:15 AM - Free Play OR Get Dressed, Brush Teeth, Make Beds then Free Play

8:00 AM - Breakfast

8:30 AM - Clean Up Kitchen/Free Play/Academic work/Read Book Together

9:00 AM - Kids Pick Up Toys THEN Get Dressed, Make Beds, Brush Teeth

9:30 AM - TV break for kids/Mom gets ready/does chores/relaxes

10:15 AM - Snack

10:30 AM - Do fun activity together OR Run Errands

12:00 PM - Lunch/Kitchen Clean Up

1:00 PM - Nap Time/Quiet Time for All

2:30 PM - Read to and Practice Reading with Oldest Child while younger two finish naps

3:00 PM - TV break while waiting for all to wake

3:30 PM - Free Play

4:00 PM - Snack

4:15 PM - Free Play/Activity with Kids

5:00 PM - Mom preps dinner/Kids Play

6:00 PM - Dinner

6:30 PM - Youngest Bedtime Routine/Two Oldest watch television or play

7:00 PM - Bedtime Routines for Oldest

7:45 AM - Lights Out

* On days with school or scheduled activities the routine changes up a bit. I am careful to schedule outside activities around nap time especially because those things are essential to making my long day work out well.