Taking Care of You

Part way into my fourth pregnancy, I realized I needed more time for myself. A stretch of time to work out my brain and body. Somehow I had not yet developed any sort of consistent space for myself since becoming a mother. The individual inside of me was starving for attention. It is pretty fair to say that major obstacles were standing in my way such as, raising three little ones and going through back to back pregnancies. Those mental and physical adjustments required my full energy and attention. The needs of young children are intense, especially when you have multiple children trying to work out their personalities among each other. My chances to breathe had only been at nap times and bed times. Once my oldest child began elementary school and my middle child, preschool a couple of mornings a week, I noticed that I had a bit more mental space. It was noticeable and so refreshing. Plus, over the past year, my youngest toddler had begun sleeping all night. As a result, my sleep needs were getting met and I could take advantage of waking before my kids to do my own self care routine. I finally took advantage of this opportunity for self love at 10 weeks of pregnancy. The mix of realizing a newborn was on the way and having more time to breathe, pushed me back toward myself. I worked out a true routine that was strictly my own, and when I finally did, I felt like I was meeting my old self again.

I have been a stay at home mom since the birth of my first child. We decided as a family that this would work out best for all of us. I have truly embraced it since. I do not worry about returning to professional life until all the kids are in elementary school. I feel compelled be close by for my youngest ones until they reach that milestone. In turn, I've made home life with my kids my profession. Trying to keep up with all the changes and challenges children bring, can be a barrier to remembering to the individuals inside of us. We are just trying to keep up with our kids. Day to day parenting requires so much of ourselves, it can often feel like we are conquering a mental and emotional mountain just to climb one more... right before bedtime. The exhaustion is real and overwhelming. Parents are pushed and pulled in ways we could never imagine until we actually become parents. However, when I began to nurture the individual inside of me, I felt even more present as a parent. Somehow, doing so eased underlying anxieties – a sense of calm and content became more noticeable in my day to day. Yet, it took me a while to work out making time for myself. There was a shift inside of me that took place leaving me free to try.

I had read of other moms making and keeping their personal early morning routines as sacred. They wrote of these practices as gateways to begin the day in a grounded, mindful fashion. My then pregnant friend had told me about the magic of rising before her young kids to complete a solid, sweat inducing workout routine. The motivation to have my own morning routine didn't come to me until the early days of my fourth pregnancy. When my midwife asked me how many times a week I was exercising, I realized that I was maybe getting in two walks a week. That little of exercise wasn't going to keep my fourth pregnancy body a float. Winter was coming, the pregnancy weight was coming, the belly was coming, my back was already acting up, and I needed to strengthen my body and stay mobile. With three young children, I could not afford to put my body on the back burner. I knew that I needed to take advantage of that early morning window when all the kids were finishing up their last hour of sleep. Once I made up my mind to begin the routine, I felt excited about it. I was actually planning an activity just for me. I was going to be a mom of four, I knew I had to take care of my own individual needs if I was going to survive the pregnancy and beyond. Once I began, I wondered why hadn't I begun this routine sooner.

The first morning felt like the beginnings of a strange new quest. I left the cozy comforts of our bed and crept down the stairs in catlike fashion. The quiet of the house was subtly eerie. I grabbed my old yoga mat from the closet (hello old friend!), and crept into the family room, toward the television. I searched for prenatal workout routines on YouTube, found something that looked doable, turned the volume down low, and got started. After my first morning workout, I felt renewed. I had caught a glimpse of myself, that person I used to spend so much time with prior to having children, and I wanted to see more of her. I wanted to take care of her. By establishing a window of time for myself early in the morning, I knew I was doing exactly that, and it felt good.

A couple of weeks after I began rising early to complete my morning workout routine, which was every other day, I decided to write on the mornings between exercise days. Exercise had awoken a desire to do more for myself. Writing is one of those practices that I have always enjoyed. I had already begun to write some essays on my experiences of motherhood over the last several months, but I was having trouble editing and writing out my ideas simply because my time during waking hours was limited. I was beginning to feel as though I would never finish my essays and put together a blog. A sense of defeat ensued. However, once I realized I had this time in the morning for myself, I knew I could probably finish editing my essays and publishing my blog within a couple of months. And I did! What a sense of personal fulfillment to finally publish my own blog. It was a turn of accomplishment as well as a chance to share something with other parents.

Little accomplishments such as publishing my blog, are things which have helped the individual inside of me express emotion, thought, and creativity, thus breathing life back to an important part of me. The very practice of writing gives my brain a much needed intellectual workout as well. As moms, and I think especially stay at home moms and parents, we yearn to feed our individual selves and contribute something of relevance to the world outside. We no longer get the tokens we once did from the work place. Daily communication with adults in a professional manner has been shelved. It can be particularly isolating. It is hard to accomplish anything other than checking off the boxes of the daily grind. We are meeting many little needs, running from here to there, doing what we can for our babies, and just trying to keep the household at a functional level. It is not easy work and it is thankless. Yes, parenting brings some of the richest rewards, unrivaled by any other experience, but nurturing oneself is an essential part of living, feeling whole. May parents work to rediscover that individual inside who yearns to emote, be creative, do air punches, kick legs, or sweat. Small changes can lead to a gradual reset.